Lets be Frank

I live alone in the middle of nowhere, the traffic on the road is as light as a feather in the wind. This is a big 2 story house which one day I’ll fill up with a wife and probably a few kids.

My dog Rex is getting old; he is starting to show signs of dementia. I’m afraid I’ll have to have him put to sleep soon, but I keep putting it off. I have him on a leash outside. It’s really hard on me, I love that dog, he has been my best friend for as long we have been together. This morning, he attacked me. He is not a big dog, but he bit hard enough to leave a few marks on one of my calf.

My cell rings, or to be more precise, it plays “Stairway to Heaven”, I love this song so much that I wait a little while before I answer. “Hello!”

“Doris where are you?” the caller asks.

“Sorry, you have a wrong number; there is no Doris at this number.”, and I just hang up.

I have to go out and split some wood, the weather forecast says it will be a cold one tonight. I’ll need more wood for the stove.

“Stairway to Heaven” plays again. “Hello” Irritate, I answer.

“Doris, it’s John…” I cut him off “Stop calling, I’m Frank, there is no Doris here!” I hate this; I just told the jerk he had a wrong number and he calls again. How hard is it to dial ten digits? It’s probably a drunk who just hit the re-dial button but it’s still annoying. I’m so frustrated I turned off my cell. The wood won’t split itself, will it?

I go out, grab my axe and get to the job at hand. In no time I’m sweating, my clothes are soaking wet, this is a good exercise. Soon I have enough for tonight so I keep at it and chop enough for the next 3 days.

The wind comes up, it’s howling, I can’t work outside in those conditions, I come back in and light up a fire. I just don’t want to use my electric heather, I can’t afford high electric bills, and let’s face it, I’m surrounded by trees so why not be one with nature!

I hear the phone ring, it’s the land line. I can’t remember where I put the damn cordless phone last. Finally I find it on the coffee table.  

“Hello” I answer coughing.

“Frank it’s mom.”

“Mom I can’t talk right now, I’ll call you later” and I hang up. I lied I could have talked to her but I didn’t want to. The phone rings again but I don’t bother picking up. I know what a pain in the ass she can be. On the table, there is a picture of us, I can see the love in her eyes, and I feel some guilt but not enough to call back.

I can hear the wind still lamenting, but it’s fading out. I turn on the TV, it’s a re-run of star trek. It will do. I fall asleep. A noise outside wakes me up. If it’s my dog again, I’ll have him put to sleep tomorrow.

Without knocking, some men in blue uniforms barge in and tell me not to move. I’m so startled that at first I don’t even say any thing. They handcuff me.

Outside I can see mom crying her heart out, I can’t go to her, because I am in restraints.

“WAIT what are you doing? You can’t come in my home like this, let me go, don’t you see my mom needs her son. I have to go to her!” I’m pleading.

I overhear one of the uniform saying: “The sick delusional crazy bitch, she thinks she is Frank, the home owner. She killed him, his wife and 2 of their kids; she left the baby crying outside in the cold. Did you see how bloody her clothes are?  We had to put out the fire in the fireplace, she was burning limbs!” Someone plunged a needle in my arm and all lights fade away…

The next thing I know, I wake up and someone in a white uniform is telling me: “Doris, Doris you have to take your pills, we wouldn’t want to repeat what happened, right?”

He should be the one taking the pill, I’m not Doris, I’m Jill!